I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
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