You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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