I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
