Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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