This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
