i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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