He asked to "fluff my boner.."
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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