I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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