Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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