i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
You ruined the universe
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
