I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
