I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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