On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
