I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
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we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
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Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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