Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
