cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
