if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
