I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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