I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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