areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
