After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
