I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
