Already got asked if we're dating
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
