I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
