remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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