It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
