you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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