I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
