My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
