last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
He has the fingertips of a God
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