the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
