i think i have two assholes
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
