Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Come on in and take your pants off
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