she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
