My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
