I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
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