We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
