im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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