the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
