You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
