I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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