I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
