chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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