one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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