dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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