wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
