please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
