you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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