Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
