I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
