Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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