I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize