In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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