Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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