My balls are so social today.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
