You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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