So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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