my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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